College Bound...Uh oh!

Today I applied for college at the community college here in SLC. I'm excited but scared. I'd be getting an Associates of Applied Science in Marketing Management and eventually get my certificate in Event Planning. Hopefully it will all work out! To be honest...I think i'm more scared than anything. I'm scared that I won't have money for books, I won't be able to be creative with papers, I tend to get lazy sometimes and I don't want to. I want to give it my all and go for it. I honestly never thought i'd go back to school. I was fine with having the education I have but I have realized to make myself happy and do the things that I want to do in my life. Who knows where it will take me! :)

I wanted to go to Paul Mitchell The School but it just won't work for me and I think I liked the idea of cosmetology. The freedom of it seems awesome... that's what was so enticing to me. The hours of school would just kill me though and one day it hit me, i didn't want to do that anyway! So I think SLCC would work better with my schedule.

So... nothing else really going on in my life. I have just been working, hanging with family and spending a lot of time thinking about my future. I miss my friends...I don't see them much anymore. Most of the time I am alone at home watching tv ...it's very bland and i'm soooooo lazy some days. Things will change once I start school. AND... can't forget the nice weather! Yay for sunshine! I have needed some vitamin D :) I got some when I went to Moab will my family a couple weeks ago. That was fun and nice to spend some time with them. I can't wait for my family reunion the end of May. My 27th birthday is coming up... dun dun dun. That weekend is going to be crazy. My birthday weekend, my friend Tanya graduates and it is my cousin's due date for her baby! We're all connected so it could turn out to be a bit crazy... I really hope she has it before Tanya's graduation and for Mother's Day. That would be awesome. Otherwise...it may only be Whit and I at her graduation! We're getting a hotel, going to dinner and then going out for a night on the town ... so excited! My grandma's house is done and she has moved in. I'm excited for her and I hope she enjoys it. The house being renovated I think has helped her get over the loss the of grandpa. The house still has so many memories...you can't take those away from me. :) I love you grandpa! Miss you.

XOXO

le sigh

I love this ...and i don't care that it's by Miley Cyrus. :)

Miley Cyrus- When I Look At You

Everybody needs inspiration,
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the nights so long

Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy...

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When I look At You I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars Hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I Know I'm Not Alone.

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like Kaleidoscope colors that
Cover Me, All I need every
Breath that I breathe don't you know
You're beautiful...

Yea Yea Yea

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you
I look at you

Yea Yea Oh OH OH

And you appear Just like a dream
To me.

I am saddened by death of a friend today... Mtich...you'll be missed terribly. I only met Mitch once and it was because of my friend...it was a blind date. I wasn't feelin it romantically.. but i knew he'd be a great friend. We've talked daily while at work on msn messenger for over a year about everything under the sun. Life, love, work, food, how we felt at the moment, music, everything! I don't know his favorite color or his favorite place to eat...but i feel like i know him well and have lost a ray of sunshine in my life. I don't know why you left us Mitch but it saddens me and i wish i knew what happened. R.I.P. my friend...i hope you find love and peace on the other side.

On a good note... i'm happy, healthy and in a better place in life. All thanks to Kelly Cutrone ...


More info on her book go here...

http://www.amazon.com/If-You-Have-Cry-Outside/dp/0061930938

And my co worker Kirsten... she read my tarot cards like 2 weeks ago or so. Basically, i need to leave my love life i've dealt with for so long behind and get lucas out of my life, take care of health issues...which i did. I've had a lot of sad things happen in my life and it's time to turn up the excitement and be happy. Which i have... my life is great. I need to tell those i love how much i love them, just because i can. LOVE YOU FAMILY, FRIENDS, CO WORKERS and everyone that makes the world go round... without you... i wouldn't be here.

xoxo

Time for me to fly.

So it's been way too long since I last moved. lol So i'm moving again! Hopefully this time I will make this place more of a home. It will be a one bedroom place by myself :) I'm excited but scared at the same time. I'm going to try to find a second job to help me out and pay off some bills. I'm getting no where and we need to fix this. I really should have saved more when i had my 2nd job but no... oh well. I'll get there. I'm really excited to move and have my own place again and be free. I will miss my house and most people in it. I don't think I would have stayed even if I loved it here. Eventually I'd go. It's my time to fly.


Recently my grandpa passed away. I haven't blogged about it because i've been too emotional. I miss him everyday and I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about him. Honestly...somedays I forget he's even gone. I used to think about the fact that grandparents won't live forever but they seem invinceable. My grandpa was so young and full of life. He was the glue to the family. Grandma is still alive and well....i'm so happy I get to see her more. It makes me sad that I don't get to see them more often. I miss my family. I feel like they don't really know me anymore. I need to make an effort to talk to them more often and see them.

So many things are going on in my head right now... I don't even know where to start. Everything is just floating around like it's stuck in a bubble. Not to mention i'm freezing in my room. Space heater is running but I still freeeze. I don't think it works as well as it used to either... it annoys me how loud it is. I get annoyed easily lately and I'm not sure why. I need to chill out.

Only about 2 more months of cold weather thank goodness. I miss the warmth, I miss the water. I love spring and summer. This year is going to be great. I'm going to get out and enjoy it this year even if i'm out alone. I have wasted so much time the past couple years and it's time to use it wisely. It seems like time is flying so fast... i'll be 27 this year. I was hoping to be a litle further along in life but I guess I will take it as it comes. I need to figure out what i'm doing with myself. I have hopes and dreams but i'm willing to set those aside to start my life in other ways. We'll see what this year brings. I have a feeling it is going to be one of the best years of my life so far. It has been great and it's only 11 days in. I have the usual goals just like everyone else to get in shape, eat better, spend my money more wisely, etc... I am thinking this year I might do a little debt consolidation. I've been a little ruthless with it the past couple years and I need to get back on my feet. It would be nice to not have to live paycheck to paycheck anymore. Put money into savings and know that I put it there without putting myself in a tight spot. I wish there was a way I could get a raise at work... I know I should be grateful that I have a job... but seriously... I don't remember the last time I was given a raise. Probably a year or two ago? Who knows... I know I need one though. If I got a little raise and was able to work a couple hours of OT i'd be in a great spot. I remember the days that I made really good money and I had a 2nd job... why wasn't I better with my money? Young and dumb I suppose. I'm still young and dumb... just not as dumb. I'm a lot of talk... now let's start doing. I'm so impulsive about other things why can't I be impulsive about things that are good for me? lol

Well... I could talk for hours about life and where I want it to go but I will just let it go for now.

Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there with open arms and open eyes. -Incubus

deeeeeeep breaths ...and.... leap!

Btw... when I get my place put together I will put pics up :) I hope it pulls together nicely eventually lol

It's my party and i'll cry if i want to.

I don't really have much to say but I thought i'd at least say a little something since it has been a while. Nothing has changed really... work is busy and exhausting, home life is good...a bit boring lately. Somehow I hurt my knees (most likely from lunges at the gym with weights... probably shouldn't do those anymore :( ) So i now have to go to physical therapy and do some exercises at home. It really does effect my day to day life. I think i'm lazier becuase i hurt and i'm scared to work out in fears that I will injur myself more. Hopefully physical therapy will help :) I find myself in the dumps lately. I don't like it and i'm trying to make things better and get my spirits up but there's only so much you can do. It seems like i'm getting the short end of the stick with everything. I'm sooo tired of being alone and i can't get a date. The last person i went on a date with it wasn't really much of a date and has made things between me and that person seem a little akward. Things never go back to the way they were before...just friends. Oh well. I just don't understand why I have to live my life alone. I don't blame anyone but i just wish i could experience life with someone else for a while and enjoy it more. I'm really emotional lately and just so frustrated. I don't know what to do. I've beeen here before over and over again. I'm tired of this circle. I think about moving and yeah that may be a really good thing for me but at the same time... I can't afford to move! I can't even afford to get my own place which i really think that i need. Lately i've just felt i don't fit. I don't know what it is exactly...it's probably all in my head and i'm just making things worse than they are. Whit is basically dating this guy Brett which is cool...he's a good guy but I'm not sure I think they are a good match. I guess i'd have to hang with him to see who he really is. That's great for her that she likes him and he likes her... yada yada yada. I guess i just wish it was my turn. *sigh* let the pitty party begin. I've been sleeping a lot and going to bed early. Not good. grrr. Things need to change. I need to figure things out. I'm 26...almost 27. Let's get this party started eh? Question is...how the hell am i going to do this? What do i need to do? Helllllllllppppppppp. I guess people just don't understand. Things have just fallen apart it seems. Now to put the puzzle back together.

Meanwhile... i wait for my tmobile contract to be up so i can get the moto droid. :) oh joy. Christmas shopping is upon us... this year... i will make cookies n stuff for people since i'm broke. Such is life. Can't wait for turkey day... my favorite holiday!

"Oh rise and be all that you dreamed." Flyleaf

tats!

I shouldn't watch LA Ink. I have no figured out what i want my next tattoo to be now i just need to figure out where i want it. I may give you a peek of it later :) we'll see...

I just wanted to share a pic of my wrist tattoo and kind of explain it.
I've always had the word "Faith" in my head when it comes to tattoos. Last December I got my "Faith" tattoo. I do love it... it means more to me than i think people think. It has nothing to do with religion. Faith to me means that i will believe in everything and anything i do. I feel like i have become a better person and i'm in a better place than i have been in a reallllllly long time. I'm probably going to incorporate my ankle tat with something else i've decided. It needs something more. That is on my to do list.

St. Thomas 09 n junk

Our beautiful beach at our hotel!

Sunset the evening we got there! Beautiful :)

Our trek to St. Thomas started at 11:50 p.m. Wednesday, September 2, 2009.

Dylan and I are excited to leave!!!

We arrived at the airport and all got checked in and on the plane. My vacation buddies were... my roommates Jeff, Dylan, Keith, his lady Heather, Keith's brother Nate, and Jared and Jen. It was the most uncomfortable plane ride ever to Atlanta. Could not sleep at all. I figured out the only time I can sleep is when I have a window seat... if I have my way in the future I will have window seats on every flight! Luckily we were at the same terminal we needed to be at in ATL because our lay over was just enough time to get to our gate and board the plane. The flight to Miami we got exit row seats and finally got some shut eye! Then... the lovely Miami airport ...it's pretty much a city. SOOOOOOOOOoo big...like 10 terminals big. We had about 3 hours in between flights but we got lost and split up. We had to go through security again because we had to switch terminals. What a pain... so confusing as well. So we are on our plane from Miami to St. Thomas and I could hardly sleep... I tried but I just watched all of the islands go by which most likely were The Bahamas. We land in St. Thomas and are just blown away by the humidity... yuck. It takes a day to get used to! We walk off the plane and were greeted with shots of pineapple rum! Rum is reallly cheap there...it was tastey tho. We had to stop off at the liquor store in the airport and grab some Captain Morgan! It was 2 for $18! That's a bargain lol We found the mini van and stuffed 8 people and their luggage in it. We did well...props to the boys. In St. Thomas you drive on the left side of the road. Takes a while to get used to! It seems people are going to run right into you all of the time. I didn't really watch the roads much when we drove around because it gave me anxiety! Jared was a bit of a crazy driver but it's partially the road's fault... they are the craziest roads I have ever been on! We were thinking about getting scooters but once we started driving around that idea went out the window. Our lives are worth more than renting scooters. We stayed at the Marriott Frenchman's Reef Resort. It was a beautiful hotel! Very nice people and I loved the decor and lobby...it was my style for sure. So I roomed with my roomie Jeff and Keith's brother Nate. Not my choice of roomies but it worked. I got to sleep in my own bed the whole time. mwahahahahaha. :) The first night me, Jeff, Nate and the Jones' went to dinner at the Captain's Reef or something like that and I had $15 nachos. They were good but I think the only reason they were was because I was hungry. Then we went swimming...that was a blast. It was night by that time and the pool was pretty warm. The next day we all piled in the van (at this time it was pouring rain and the roads by the hotel are cobble stone... cobble stone and a mini van of 8 people and a huge hill don't mix very well but we made it!) we went to the grocery store. Everything there is so much more expensive but definitely worth buying sandwich/cereal and snack stuff. The checker wasn't very nice tho... that was our first run in with a rude person there. We went to the fruit stand which was way cool but the lady and I had a hard time communicating. It was awkward. We then went back to the room and made sandwiches and then went to the beach! It was sooo fun! Wave jumping and getting trampled by waves was a blast. That night we went to dinner at Molly Malones that was an Irish pub. Fish n chips are always a great choice and later that night we went to Duffys and had some rum and I had a drink that came in a whale cup called "Thar She Blows!" It was like a pina colada but better... mmm and I got to keep "free willey" the cup.
We then went to the beach and just watched the waves crash in and met some guy that Dylan made friends with and talked to for way too long. Hung out at the pool a little but then went to bed. All day that day (Friday) it was overcast but nice...not too hot. Saturday we went to St. John which was about a 20 minute ferry ride from St. Thomas. We took the car barge there. I knew it was going to rain that day and was hoping to go Sunday but I am only one person and wasn't about to ruin the plans. So we went to St. John and ended up at Hawksnest Bay.
This is what it looked like pretty much the whole time we were there. It is a beautiful place tho! The tropical storm Erika definitely made her presence known while we were there. It poured and poured while we just swam in the ocean. It was warmer in the ocean than out of it. Our stuff got soaked for the most part. I didn't get many pics because I was afraid of ruining my sister's camera. Our area was flooded for a while until the rain stopped. One of my favorite moments was just chillin in the ocean while it rained and the boys sang Kiss The Girl from The Little Mermaid. It was priceless. :)

Then we were pelted by rain... i'm sure i'll never experience that again. Then the Jones' got back from getting snorkle gear. Snorkeling was hard to get used to at first. I didn't trust it. I felt like I was suffocating. Eventually I got it and it was soooo awesome. I loved seeing the fish and the coral. It was scary but worth it. There were times I would freak myself out and have to come up for air and one time found myself standing on coral and felt so bad! Saw a lot of cool things there including some sting rays.
After the rain :)

Then we went to a little place called Woodys. It was yummy! One of the best cheese burgers i've ever had. Then it was back to St. Thomas. I believe that night we went to a place called Iggys. We were all beat and I believe that was the night we went back and just crashed early. I don't remember exactly... should have blogged the day after I got back! So Sunday we went shopping and I got some suveneirs (sp?) and some cute purses from the flee market. Then on to Megan's Bay.
I wish I would have gotten a good pic of this place. It really was pretty. Very warm and calm water. Sunday is apparently the day the locals go to the beach. It was busy and there were a lot of families there with tons of kids everywhere! It was a nice time tho. Kind of over cast but nice.

That night we went to a place called Fat Joes I believe and sang Karaokee. It was a blast! Had a good time with some other girls that went on the trip with us as well.
The next day we left St. Thomas and was on to Miami...South Beach actually where we stuffed 6 people in our hotel room which wasn't bad at all. It was sooo awesome in South Beach. I'd love to stay there for a couple days.
Then we left Miami and flew home ... :( Long long flights home.

So after getting home nothing much has happened that is new. Found out my cousin is prego :) I'm super excited for her! Nothing much has happened with me. Just sooo busy at work. It has been hard some days but we keep on going. I'm really hoping for some positive changes that will just make everything so much better. Not sure what those are yet... I am hoping to start planning another vacation! Hopefully with my family or my friend Whit. It would be nice to go on vacations with them :)

Well... fall is upon us... which means I have a Zombie birthday party, Halloween, it's hoodie season, and that dreaded thing we call snow :(. I shall miss you summer. Christmas is soo close. Ugh.

If you would like to see more pictures let me know and I will get you some links.
xoxo

Getting Ready!

See that picture... that is where i will be this coming Thursday... paradise aka Frenchman's Reef Marriot St. Thomas, USVI! I'm stressed about clothes...yes...clothes. I don't have much summer stuff since i have been broke lately but i will manage. Tanning so i'm not pastey on the beach and get fried! ...plus...a tan body looks better since I haven't been that good about going to the gym. Hey... it is what it is and i'm just going to be happy i'm there! lol I need to find another swim suit tho. I only have two and i think it would be a good idea to have 3... it's more like i just want another one that is bright and fun. I cannot wait tho... it is sooo close. I'm excited but stressed. Vacations seem to stress me out beforehand. They usually end up better than expected and not as stressful but i'm leaving the states so it's a bit more stressful than usual. I do have my passport tho... i'm glad i got it. My roommate tried to convince me i don't need it. I guess if i don't want to get back to the states i don't need it! We shall see which website is correct... one says you need it to get back to the U.S. but another says all you need is I.D... hmmmmm. Also...i do need it to go to other islands and we plan on going to St. John since it's a $5 ferry ride and 20 minutes away. Why not?!

Well i guess i better get back to my laundry and jump in the shower to go shopping. I was hoping to go shopping with someone but i guess i won't :( I'm sure my next blog will be about my actual trip unless something happens during the next 3 days! Bon Voyage!

...toes in the sand...island breeze whisping my hair around...sweat beads slowly dripping down my face... guess i should go jump in the ocean!

side note... let's hope there are no Man of Wars this time while i'm enjoying my time at the beach and swimming with the fishes! I was Stung by a Man of War which is a jellyfish in Hawaii... not fun :(